Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Wonderful World of SOVs




     I talk to a lot of horror fans daily, and it's always amused me that when I bring up the topic of SOVs, that they don't have a clue of what I'm talking about. That's because the SOV is horrors best kept secret. Having died about 20 years ago, the sub genre of SOV is usually only known to fans who were around during their hey day. That's about to change, as SOVs are primed to make a comeback. That said, I figured I'd school all my little sicko's on this little known but great source of cheap horror.

     Gather round my young padawans, as I school you in the forgotten history of horror...
   
     Once upon a time, during a magical time known as the 1980's, horror films had suddenly become very popular. The genre was in it's glory, and people craved more. At this time, VHS came into being and the birth of the video rental store followed. Not long after that, the "Straight to Video" market was born. Now fans could rent their fav movies for a low price anytime they wanted and studios could put more movies out of lesser quality straight to the retail market. But that wasn't enough for some. For Joe Horror and friends, making their own horror flicks was the ultimate achievement. A new technology landed on store shelves that would help with this big time. The Camcorder had come out and made home recording easy as pie. Prior to that, you had to shell out big money for either a 16mm camera or a Super 8 not to mention editing equipment. The Camcorder, while not cheap, was much more affordable and had better picture quality then the Super 8, plus ya didn't have to play with film rolls, ya just needed a VHS tape and a little video editor you could plug right into your TV. The result was an SOV or "Shot On Video".
     Initially, fans would simply share their films with family and friends, but eventually some young enterprising horror fan decided to talk to their local mom and pop video rental store and get them to rent their flick to the public. This wasn't a problem for the stores because it was a no lose situation. Didn't cost them anything to put the video on the shelf and they got a cut of the take for rentals. "Straight to Video" was still fairly new in those days and the output from the various studios wasn't huge, as theater runs were still the best way to maximize profits, so these young Spielbergs were actually helping meet demand, especially for horror, which was big business at the time. The SOVs actually did well, even though many of them were utter garbage. Fans had a plentiful source of horror for a low rental price. It worked out for the stores and the film makers. (I use the term loosely.)
     This continued until the mid 90's when it eventually died a quiet death. This was due to horror movies being on a serious decline and the rise of corporate rental chains such as "Blockbuster" and "West Coast Video". The home video market had since been discovered to be a lucrative market and the output was much larger then it had been in the past and the quality was almost as good as what was playing at the movies. The rental chains were not interested in local film makers low budget offerings, especially horror. So, the end of SOV era had come.....until now.

     These days you can shoot a film on your Iphone and the quality isn't that bad at all, infact it's been done a few times already. Technology has come a long way and recording your own shiz is really cheap now, and with computers to help do the editing and the web to help distribute your masterpiece, SOVs have been seeing a renaissance of sorts recently. Factor in that horror as put out by big studios has been seriously lacking. It makes sense that with the advancement in technology and the demand for decent horror that SOVs have returned to fill the void. Films like "To Jennifer and Hate Crime" are only two prime examples of modern SOVs and how even though done cheap can be very entertaining.

     But as the horror world begins to learn about the new wave of SOVs coming out, very few know about the treasure trove that was produced in the 80's and 90's. There's enough offerings to make a horror hound dizzy with excitement.
     A few things must be said though. These films are VERY low budget. (Usually had a 2,000 to 3,000 dollar budget.) Some are better quality than others, but few are studio quality. Think Troma. The acting is done by no names who shouldn't get work in an infomercial let alone feature film, and the special effects can be really lousy at times.
     Another thing worth mentioning, if you decide to take the plunge into SOVs of days gone by (I recommend that you do) be sure to do your homework. There are a lot of SOVs that were produced back then and not all of them were watchable. To be blunt, they were garbage. Pure dreck not worth a nano second of your time. You watch a few of those and you'll prob think that's all SOV has to offer and you'll miss out on the good stuff, and there is some really good gems to be seen. Either spend some time researching various offerings or ask someone who knows their shite for recommendations. (I'll throw ya a few bones at the end of this shiz.)
     Something good to remember is that beyond being low budget, these were made in the 80's and 90's. You may read about a flick and have it tell you that it's ultra violent and gory, only to watch it and see fake as hell effects and not so shocking violence. In it's time some of it WAS gory and shocking to viewers, especially since the big studios didn't generally go that far with violence, but by today's standards it's tame. That doesn't mean there isn't some genuinely shocking and gory moments. Some of these flicks could be down right sick and they hold up well to this day.

     So why haven't you heard of them before? Chances are you have and didn't know it. HBO and Cinemax used to play some late at night. Ya know, that horror flick you watched once and never heard about again?
     For the most part, SOVs weren't put out by professional studios and they didn't have mass distribution. Most of the folks putting the stuff out did their own leg work. That meant you weren't going to find them for sale at your local K-Mart or any other retailer for movies. Occasionally they'd sell copies at the mom and pops stores they had deals with, but most of the time each movie you rented had a screen in the beginning that would pop up before the movie and tell you where to write to purchase the movie you were about to see or get a catalogue of all they offered. Some managed to snag small distribution deals thus reaching a wider audience. ("Boarding House" which was the first SOV, got a very short run in theaters. Far as I know it's the only one to do so.) but it usually ended up costing more to go that route than self promotion. This was a very do it yourself genre. The result is that finding an original copy is like trying to find the "Ark of the Covenant". If you do locate one, chances are it's owner is gonna charge you out the bung hole for it. Good news though, apparently Amazon has a small selection of some of the better flicks available for sale and on DVD at rock bottom prices, like 5 bucks. However, you can find damn near all of them on YouTube for free. Just type in "Horror SOVs" you'll get a giant selection of old and new offerings.

     At the end of the day, if your a hardcore horror hound and you don't mind really low-budget, there is much good times to be had. Just don't expect high art, this shiz is NOT meant to be taken seriously. Turn your brain off and just go with it. They can be a load of fun and some of them are pretty damn creative.
     Like me your prob bored with the offerings the genre displays these days. Well, you now have an entire new and forgotten area of horror to explore. I have opened the door for you to hundreds of classic stuff from the 80's and 90's and new stuff coming out each day. (Amazon Prime is a great source of modern streaming SOVs) Who loves ya baby?

    I'll end this lesson class by recommending some good SOVs to start with, just to give you an idea of what you're in for:

Sledge Hammer: 
     A guy goes around killing teens with a sledge hammer. See trailer below, it says all you need ta know.

Boarding House:
     Peepz reopen an old boarding house and bad shiz starts happening. Gore, nudity, and a belly full of laughs. This flick is AWFUL in every way, but it's a train wreck worth watching because it's so unbelievable how bad it is. I laugh myself stupid everytime I watch this. You really gotta see this thing. Trailer below.

Video Violence:
     A husband and wife open a video store in a small town and learn the locals have a thing for snuff. Never ones to not meet customer demands, the couple begin making snuff films to rent to the town. Yeah, it sounds ridicules and it is. This one actually has impressive  gore for it's time and even had itself a sequel. For me, though, its biggest appeal is seeing a mom and pops video store circa mid 80's. All those videos and posters we see bring back a ton of memories. Miss those damn mom and pops stores!







     

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

So Carrot top is Pennywise....what's the problem?





     So recently it came down the horror pike that everyone's fav red headed comedian to hate, Carrot Top aka Scott Thompson, was cast as the uber creepy "Pennywise the Clown" in the remake of  Stephen King's "It".

     Then everyone lost their damn minds.

     I realise Carrot Top is not Tim Curry (Who is?), that goes without saying. Curry is a legend when it comes to playing creepy characters, and his shoes are enormous ones to fill. Personally, I had hopes Johnny Depp would have been cast as the evil clown, given that he's an awesome character actor and probably one of the few people alive who could deliver a performance on par with Curry's. However, upon learning that Carrot Top had the role, I wasn't upset. In fact, after some consideration, I thought it was a pretty cool idea. Allow me to explain before you start building a stake to burn me on...

     Has anyone actually looked at Carrot Top? I mean, seriously, have you really looked at him? Dude is creepy looking as fuck! He also has that weird voice. Close your eyes and picture dude dressed as a clown, laughing and making creepy jokes while handing candy to your kids. Go ahead, I'll wait...

     Yeah, see what I mean?

     If there is anyone that can seriously give me the heebie jeebies as an evil clown, it's this guy! He isn't that bad an actor either from what I can tell based on the many small roles he's played here and there. I mean he ain't winning an oscar anytime soon, but he can hold his own. I have faith he'll be effective in the role. Plus, he's different enough from Curry to perhaps bring a new perspective to it that won't seem like an attempt at copying Curry, which would be a freaking enormous mistake for any actor to attempt!

     Look, for all the folks who were hoping Curry would reprise the role: Hey, I feel ya, I'm a huge Curry fan myself ("Legend" anyone?). It would have been cool as fuck to see him donning the Pennywise suit again, but really, why would he want to play the role again? His turn as Pennywise is the stuff of legend, no reason to revisit it. Could he top it? Doubt it, especially since he's much older now. Curry has nothing to prove, his version of Pennywise ain't gonna be forgotten anytime soon. Word ta ya mutha!

     The rest of you naysayers who are spitting mad at the casting choice. Relax homies! Give the "Top" a chance, he may surprise you. At least reserve judgement till we get a peek at him in Pennywise mode. Remember, when Ledger was announced as the new Joker, people lost their shit, but now, most people agree he rocked that role. Don't worry, if Carrot Top sucks, I'll be the first to rip him a new arse hole on the web, cause my momma didn't teach me better than that!

     I know it's hard to be open minded when it comes to Hollywood fudging with classics, believe me, I don't care for all this remake madness currently sweeping Hollywood, but the original movie, while good, was a far cry from the totally awesome book (Which is my fav novel.). If not for Curry, it may not be as fondly remembered. Curry made that movie. Period.
     Plus it was a made for TV movie aired in the early 90's. I'm all for a big screen remake that will attempt to be darker and more in the spirit of the novel. Yeah, they're not going to follow the book exactly, but the filmmakers have promised a very dark telling of the classic.
     So all my sicko's, chillax! It's all good in the hood! As the convicts say in prison while waiting to see if they're gonna get parole, "Hope for the best but expect the worst." Either way, my shaved arse will be there opening day with an open mind and a bucket of extra buttery popcorn! Nuff said!

      One last thing, if ya haven't read the novel "It" by King, your missing out jackhole! Go to your local book store, to Amazon, or to your library (You've got options, no excuses....unless you're illiterate...in which case, my bad.) and get this shite! Now! I ain't playin' son!
     If all you saw was the movie, then you haven't seen all this twisted tale has to offer. So much more dark and twisted shiz that the movie didn't touch. Plus, King manages to explore the magic of childhood and why we should never lose touch with it. It really has so many layers. Easily King's masterpiece in this jerkoffs humble opinion! Oh, and don't let the massive 1,090 pages intimidate you, the book is so damn good and engrossing that's you'll fly through it and when ya reach the end you'll wish there was more!

So go read it, cause reading is fundamental and shit!



And that my friends is my opinion, and it couldn't be any more clearer than blood on the wall!


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Who's that Ani guy, and why's he so unusual?

                                         Uncle Ani and his bestest friend "Suzy"


     Once upon a time, out of the internet darkness came this strange dude who call's himself Anarak or "Ani" for short. Who is he, what's his story, and can he really be that awesome?

The time has come to answer all these questions my sicko's, and properly introduce myself...

What up, I'm Anarak Lumberhead, but you can call me Ani! I'm 35 and I hail from the great state of confusion....er...Pennsylvania. When I'm not off working (I'm a DJ at various clubs.) I'm usually at the pool hall shooting a rousing game of 9 ball, playing cards, or getting it on in speed chess. I like to stay fit, so I hit the gym a few times a week plus I used ta box and still train. I love animals, kids, and women. Man do I love women. I'm currently single and will remain that way if I have anything to say about it. The single life is way too much fun! You got girl problems I feel bad for ya son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one. Hit me!
The pup in the photo is my female pit "Suzy" named after my childhood and forever crush Suzanna Hoffs of "The Bangles". Never ever bad mouth Suzanna...bad things will happen... 
Your probably wondering what "Anarak" means. It's a British slang for "Trainspotter" which is basically a British word for someone who is odd. Ya see, Uncle Ani is....different. Everyone who has ever met me tells me I am the oddest person they have ever met.They find me interesting in a good way (So they say.) I dunno what that shits about. All I can say is I yam what I yam. 
Anyhow, I was dubbed that by a British gal I was seeing at the time and it stuck. Lumberhead is a nonsense word I made up and used as a child for no reason other then I liked how it sounded. Thus, Anarak Lumberhead. Just cause.
Oh, one other thing. In case you haven't noticed, I sorta like horror. 

A lot.

A lot, a lot.

I've probably forgotten more fucking horror movies then most people have seen. However, if you knew me since I was a kid, you'd find this extremely ironic. Why? A long time ago, when I was a wee lad of about 5, I walked in on my cousin watching "My Bloody Valentine" (The Original) and sat down to watch it. I happened to come along during the infamous dryer scene and after seeing that took off like a fucking bat out of hell to find my mommy, swearing the entire way that I'd never watch another friggin horror again. That shit was scary!

As I grew older, curiosity lead me to peek at various horrors, only to re-affirm my vows quickly. They disturbed me, but damn if I wasn't curious. I mean they sounded so cool.

Finally an asshole friend of mine who was a huge horror fan, forever cured me of my fear of horror movies when I was 14. We were watching the original "Day of the Dead" (I never would admit to friends that horror flicks creeped me out, the dicks would never have let me live it down. So I pretended to watch and just look away when shiz got serious.) when the scene where a soldier gets his head literally ripped off came on. I looked away and asked my friend to tell me when it was over. A few seconds go by and my friend then informs me it's over and I look.....and see dudes head get torn off in a spectacularly gory fashion. 
After cussing my friend out I realized that what I'd just seen was cool as hell, and from that point on I was hooked. Years later that friend remarked that he created a monster, as I surpassed him in horror knowledge.

For years, friends and family have been trying to get me to put my skills in writing and my programming knowledge to use by creating a horror site. I would shrug and say "Maybe..." but never do anything. At the time I was too busy smoking herb, getting drunk, going to concerts, getting laid, getting into all kinds of fights, getting locked up, and just being an angry, misguided youth. Also, there was the fact that there was so many great horror websites already out there and I didn't see what my ass could bring to the table that they they haven't already. It was John Fallon of "Arrow in the Head" fame who changed that, though it would take several years for me to take that big step, mostly due to laziness.

I had been a fan of Arrow's since his site started. Dude came off like some of my friends. I dug that he didn't present himself like other reviewers; all proper and shiz. He came off like one of your boy's telling you about all the cool horror shiz he just learned about. Hell, I could do that! 

So I began writing little reviews on various sites, as well as some articles. Almost 15 years later, I decided to create my own brand of horror related shiz and come at ya'll in my writing like we been peeps for ages. In other words, I keep it real yo! 
I've already taken the first steps and I'm pleased with the results, so phase two is under way which will involve a website and a forum, among other things. Phase three is when shite really gets interesting.

Anyway, that's my story ya'll. I'm just a punk who loves horror and wants to share it with fellow horror fans. This is a work of love. Plain and simple. Thanks to all the peeps who have supported me so far. Mucho love to ya'll. Stick around, more goodies on the way! 

Other random tidbits about yours truly:

  • My fav horror is the original "Halloween"
  • My fav horror villain is Jason Voorhees
  • I like all kinds of music, but Metal and Hip Hop are my main thing
  • I'm 6'2 and about 215lbs
  • I have a combined collection of horror VHS, DVDs, Laser disc, and Blu-ray that numbers around 1500
  • I support gay rights and legalizing weed...(Damn right!)
  • I hate politicians
  • I love strippers
  • Fav beer is Yuengling. Fav Alcohol is Old Grand Dad whiskey
  • I'm an aspiring author
  • As Fitty put it "I'm in to having sex, not in to making love."
  • I once shot a man just to watch him die
  • Ok that last one isn't true.